When you're stuck in a rut, moving forward can feel impossible. Here's five steps to progress through struggles
Warning signs abound. Feelings of apathy, hopelessness and a lack of motivation are tell-tale signs that you are in a rut. But we may need help spotting them. “We don’t think outside our thinking,” says Dee Johnson, a solutions–focused psychotherapist. “Until an objective person, whether that’s a therapist, coach or friend says: ‘Are you aware that you do this …?’ we don’t see it. It’s important to explore that because you need that shift in your perception of self.”
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The narratives we tell ourselves can hold us back. Give self-deprecating sentiments the swear jar treatment. Drop a quid in for every: “I’ll never …” “I’m rubbish at …” “I can’t …”. It’s helpful to identify where this negativity comes from – a naysaying parent perhaps, or a childhood bully – but don’t dwell. The main thing is to change the story. “Repetition builds belief,” says Johnson. “So, you have to stop the negative self-talk. Your maladapted belief system – it’s just dodgy software that needs updating.”
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Focus on what is within your control. You can’t single-handedly halt the climate crisis, for example, but you can help your community to become more climate resilient. How you frame your goals is vital, too. “Instead of setting a goal to lose 20 pounds, a better one might be to improve your nutritional knowledge by learning five new healthy lunch recipes,” writes psychologist Jade Wu. “Not only does this offer a more specific target, it feels a lot more attainable.”
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“You need a plan for getting from where you are to where you want to be,” says Johnson. “But it needs to be flexible. If you’re too rigid, there’s a good chance that it won’t go as well as you hoped, and you’ll go back to helplessness.” Break the problem down. “Think constructively but realistically and take it a step at a time,” adds Johnson. “Look at the potential you have, the capabilities you have, not what you can’t do.”
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Motivation to solve a problem will not come while inanely scrolling through Instagram. “You have to act for your brain to connect with the evidence [of a positive outcome],” explains Johnson. By that she means reflecting on the process, relishing a problem overcome and, crucially, your part in solving it. “If you think ‘thank God I got through that’ then you reinforce the negative self-belief. You need to evaluate the evidence – that’s the key to solutions-focused therapy.”
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Main image: Clayton Webb
