When you’re stuck in a rut, moving forward can feel impossible. Here are five ways to try to progress through struggles
Often solutions to our problems are within our reach, but fear of failure, self-doubt and apathy can prevent us from grasping them. This psychological state is called learned helplessness, and leads us to accept our lot, give up, stay in our lane. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Here are five ways to adopt a more solutions-focused mindset.
Warning signs abound. Feelings of apathy, hopelessness and a lack of motivation are tell-tale signs that you are in a rut. But we may need help spotting them. “We don’t think outside our thinking,” says Dee Johnson, a solutions–focused psychotherapist. “Until an objective person, whether that’s a therapist, coach or friend says: ‘Are you aware that you do this …?’ we don’t see it. It’s important to explore that because you need that shift in your perception of self.”
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The narratives we tell ourselves can hold us back. Give self-deprecating sentiments the swear jar treatment. Drop a quid in for every: “I’ll never …” “I’m rubbish at …” “I can’t …”. It’s helpful to identify where this negativity comes from – a naysaying parent perhaps, or a childhood bully – but don’t dwell. The main thing is to change the story. “Repetition builds belief,” says Johnson. “So, you have to stop the negative self-talk. Your maladapted belief system – it’s just dodgy software that needs updating.”
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Focus on what is within your control. You can’t single-handedly halt the climate crisis, for example, but you can help your community to become more climate resilient. How you frame your goals is vital, too. “Instead of setting a goal to lose 20 pounds, a better one might be to improve your nutritional knowledge by learning five new healthy lunch recipes,” writes psychologist Jade Wu. “Not only does this offer a more specific target, it feels a lot more attainable.”
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“You need a plan for getting from where you are to where you want to be,” says Johnson. “But it needs to be flexible. If you’re too rigid, there’s a good chance that it won’t go as well as you hoped, and you’ll go back to helplessness.” Break the problem down. “Think constructively but realistically and take it a step at a time,” adds Johnson. “Look at the potential you have, the capabilities you have, not what you can’t do.”
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Motivation to solve a problem will not come while inanely scrolling through Instagram. “You have to act for your brain to connect with the evidence [of a positive outcome],” explains Johnson. By that she means reflecting on the process, relishing a problem overcome and, crucially, your part in solving it. “If you think ‘thank God I got through that’ then you reinforce the negative self-belief. You need to evaluate the evidence – that’s the key to solutions-focused therapy.”
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Main image: Clayton Webb
