Fed up of discussing the weather? Here are five ways to initiate deeper, more engaging conversations to truly connect
Meaningful conversations often flow best in places where you feel most at ease. Seek out unhurried spaces such as a quiet cafe, park bench or a gentle walk somewhere peaceful. “Everyone shines, given the right lighting,” writes lecturer and author of Quiet, Susan Cain. When the surroundings are calm and free from constant distractions, it’s easier to give each other your full attention and create trust.
Image: Eliezer Muller
When someone shares something with you, take the conversation deeper by asking open questions like: ‘How did that affect you?’. “Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire and judgment for a few moments,” notes Michael P. Nichols, clinical psychologist and author of The Lost Art of Listening. Give them room to speak at their own pace, and you may be surprised by their insights.
Image: Gaelle Marcel
One of the quickest ways to deepen conversations is to offer something authentic such as a moment of challenge, a recent shift in perspective or a dream you’re working towards. When we’re willing to be vulnerable, says author and researcher Brené Brown, shame loses its power and can become connection. Plus, you invite the other person to do the same, creating a bond that feels genuine and human.
Image: Abhi Shek
Conversations become rewarding when they move beyond the surface-level and into the personal stories or principles behind them. Ask what experiences have shaped someone’s outlook, or what matters most to them. This builds a stronger sense of understanding. “To really know another person, you have to have a glimmer of how they experience the world,” writes author David Brooks.
Image: Etty Fidele
Show your attention through eye contact, small affirmations and reflecting back key points a person has shared. “The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention,” says Thích Nhat Hanh, author of The Art of Communicating. When you acknowledge their experience and give space for their thoughts to unfold, you create a shared moment of connection.
Image: Andrew Small
Main image: Dmytro Sheremeta
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