Many people find their relationships and communication efforts come under pressure at Christmas. We’ve gathered 10 tips – shared by experts and backed by data – to help you have an empowering festive season
A time to connect with loved ones, relax and indulge. Christmas can be all of those things, but it can be a tinsel-strewn hotbed of triggers and stress too. “If you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family,” said US spiritual teacher and author Ram Dass.
Rather than dreading these challenging aspects of the festive period, there are ways to replace dysfunction and disconnection with empowerment. Here are 10 tips to get you started.
Christmas comes with a whole heap of traditions, but it’s empowering to pick and choose only the ones that work for you. In medieval times a boar’s head was served for Christmas Day and I’m pretty sure we’re all OK with that dying out. If you’re lucky enough to have time off, you deserve to do what you want. Fancy staying in your pyjamas all day, ordering a Chinese, and watching back-to-back Drag Race? Go for it.
Image: Rosie Kerr
“A year of being debt-free is far more important than a Christmas splurge,” reminds UK finance guru Martin Lewis. He also recommends not to “lust for a perfect Christmas” along with numerous other helpful finance-related tips. After all, anyone worth having in your life wouldn’t want you to place yourself under financial stress just for the sake of Christmas.
Image: Danny Lines
There’s no denying the festive season can be incredibly stressful. A quarter of the UK population find it more challenging than the rest of the year, according to a YouGov poll. And dealing with difficult people can be a key cause of tumult. But, as the mental health charity Mind reminds us: “It’s OK if there are people you don’t want to see at Christmas.”
It can feel incredibly empowering to avoid people who refuse to respect your boundaries or who endanger your mental health, and instead gravitate towards those who bring you ease and joy.
Image: Joseph Gonzalez
In an article for Positive News a few years back – Christmas Presence: how to survive seasonal dysfunction – British musician and coach Jamie Catto wrote: “This year I’m treating all the challenges and triggers of the Christmas season as the benevolent, illuminating mirrors and invitations to self-awareness that they really are.”
The idea is that you place focus, and praise, on your ability to respond to challenging situations, rather than simply dreading them. It’s easier said than done, of course. Catto suggests mustering all the patience, awareness and playfulness possible, ready for when the “’I’m misunderstood’ or ‘I’m not appreciated’ or whatever excruciating belief from my inner child kicks in.”
Image: Annie Spratt
The indulgence that comes hand-in-hand with Christmas can trigger guilt, shame and regret for some. So rather than starting a new year full of hope, positivity and enthusiasm, it’s with a heavy dose of self-criticism. Avoid hijacking the positivity of New Year resolutions, warns Catto. “Don’t root them in any beliefs that say ‘I should do this’, for example: ‘I ought to do more yoga’, because so many of these intentions can, on close inspection, be rooted in a sense of lack – a sense that I’m not loveable enough as I am.”
A useful tool can be to ask yourself: ‘Is this coming from excitement or self-criticism?’”. If it’s the latter, then it’s probably best to rethink it.
Image: Prophsee Journals
Chances are you’re already doing a huge amount for other people over the festive period, especially if you’re a carer or parent to young kids, so try to eke out some time to connect with yourself. The form that takes doesn’t matter as much as the intention. Plus, it’s been reported that a little solitary time can be vital in recharging your social battery.
Image: Ben White
The UK charity Change Mental Health defines boundaries as: “Rules that outline your limits, setting clear distinctions between your needs, emotions and personal space and those of others.”
Be selective about what events you attend, commitments you sign up to, honour your own Out of Office, and accept that you won’t – and can’t – make everyone happy. As coach Michelle Elman puts it: “If you keep trying to make everyone happy, what you might find is the person who is most unhappy is you.”
Image: Evelina Photography
Whether it’s drawing up the covers in your childhood bedroom, sitting around a well-worn family dinner table or looking at the decorations that have been hanging since you were small, Christmas offers to draw us into our past like no other season.
This slightly surreal sense of time travel can see old habits return, previous frictions emerge and – before you know it – you’re bickering with family members and stomping around like a stroppy teenager. The family home comes loaded with history but that doesn’t mean we’re doomed to repeat the past mistakes that have taken place there. Escape the four walls for a walk or phone a friend to help get you through. And if all else fails, writer Lauren Bravo reminds us: “You get to leave again. Hopefully with a bag full of leftovers.”
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A room full of people who may have drunk too much, with differing views, opinions and relationships, can be a recipe for Christmas conflict. A snarky comment here, a passive aggressive remark there is enough to tip the jollity into antipathy.
But by choosing words carefully you can avoid antagonistic or reactive language, and help quell any unnecessary escalations. This intro about empathetic conversations from the Centre for Nonviolent Communication is a good place to start.
Image: Unsplash
Popping corks and cracking cans may have been an integral part of celebrations in your past, but could it be time to switch things up? If you’re looking to form a healthier relationship with alcohol this year, Drinkaware has put together a 12-step guide to managing things.
Cutting down would put you in good company: Three-quarters of young people who usually celebrate Christmas, for example, won’t be drinking alcohol this year.
Image: Jennifer Pallian
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